a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
