dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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