well I can't set my house on fire every night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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