Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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