dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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