I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
