Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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