you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
