i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Found your dick twin last night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
