I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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