considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
