WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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