Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize