anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
