Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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