i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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