im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its about making memories worth repressing
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
