so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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