I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
