my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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