I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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