i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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