why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
