In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
