I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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