yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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