So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
