okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
