your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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