I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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