I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
