so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize