How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
