I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
