A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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