Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
