I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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