I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
