He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
