No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize