ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
