Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
