party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
