If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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