Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
