Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Randomize
