I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
