i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
