Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
