my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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