I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
