Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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