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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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