He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
