its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
