What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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