A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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