my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
