he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize