Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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