I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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