a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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