My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
