Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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