how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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