It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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