I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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