So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
birth control should be required to get into college
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize