I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
