my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize