how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
