and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
