Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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