i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
