like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
