We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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