i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
