i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
