Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
