wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
