Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
