i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
