she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
