just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
