Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
