She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish you could order shots online.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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