We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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