Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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