I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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