I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
