Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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