Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
