He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
