remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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