Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
