Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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