He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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