i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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