PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
