yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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