Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
