worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
