Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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