he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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